Heartbreak in Relationship and Why It's Normal Relationship OCD/Relationship Anxiety ft. Emma
Kiyomi: [00:00:00] Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Awaken Into Love podcast, this is your host Kiyomi LaFleur, and we are on episode number seven already, which is so exciting. I was so thrilled to sit down today to talk to the amazing Emma. She is an Awaken into Love ROCD Course and Community graduate, and she's currently in the AIR program, and she's become such an inspiration and leader for many people in the community. Emma talked today about heartbreak in a relationship, and this is what the podcast is all about. This podcast is pretty unique. It's straightforward. We don't really sugarcoat too much, and we wanted to bring in an energy of honesty just with being in a relationship. So this episode will be helpful for you if you are in a relationship, and that's all about heartbreak within, being in partnership specifically for people who have ROCD. But this podcast is unique because it is also helpful for people who don't have ROCD or relationship anxiety, and I'm just so excited to share it with you today. So in this podcast, we will be going over heartbreak and what heartbreak is, how to work through heartbreak, how heartbreak is so very normal, and how you can use heartbreak as a way to awaken and deepen your intimacy and connection with yourself and also your partner. I'm really excited to have sat down with her as it has been such a privilege and honor to interview her today, as I know that this episode will be helpful for you.
Emma: [00:01:39] Heartbreak and relationships can occur in so many different ways. It doesn't have to be your typical you broke up with your partner, heartbreak. Doesn't have to be like that. Heartbreak can happen during transitions. Heartbreak can happen during fights. Heartbreak can happen outside of just you in your relationship. Heartbreak can happen personally. A lot of people are not able to see or feel heartbreak when it's not the typical romanticized version of it. So I think a way to realize you're going through heartbreak is being able to feel that tense almost rock on your shoulders or something is really getting you down. Things are changing. Heartbreak really happens during change. Whether it's you realizing something about yourself. Whether it's moving. Whether it's just having a fight with a partner. Heartbreak comes in so many forms. And it happens throughout your whole life. In a relationship, specifically heartbreak can occur multiple times. And it doesn't have to be when you break up. Simple as that.
Kiyomi: [00:03:19] So I love that you brought that up because something that is so societally ingrained, which we'll talk about next is around this idea that, you know, if you're with a partner or you're with one person, which I know you've been for a while with your partner that you need to have this heartbreak when in reality, what we're also saying is that, well, that's not necessarily true, and in relationship, you are going to inevitably go through heartbreak anyway. And I think that in a lot of ways, just being human and living in society just kind of sets us up to have these different heartbreaks, right? So I would love to go into how you feel as though heartbreaks occur a lot about kind of society and expectations. So how do you feel like heartbreaks just kind of just happen?
Emma: [00:04:06] Yeah. So I feel like it's talked about a lot. You grow up with a romanticized ideal of life that you're going to meet that perfect person, you know? And especially with life today with social media, with everyone in each other's lives, basically, you're going to have a lot of expectations. You're going to hear other people's opinions. You're going to see other opinions that are different than your own and heartbreak is romanticized almost. It's almost as if you have to break up with a partner, you have to experience heartbreak in order to experience life. How are you supposed to know what you want? How are you supposed to move on with your life, grow up? If you don't ever break up with the partner, if you don't feel that intense sadness, you see it in movies and TV shows and everything all the time. And it occurs when you feel that pressure, when you have those expectations. You know, they don't have to be ones that you see. They can even be unconscious ones that you have inside your brain that it's almost like a checklist of what a perfect partner is to you. I specifically have only been with one person and that itself puts a lot of pressure because I almost avoided dating because I wanted to meet that one person. And you grow up hearing that you should wait for that person that makes you feel whole, that is your other half. That is the person that will never make you sad, will ever make you doubt you'll just feel peaceful around them. And while that sounds beautiful, it was also terrifying. You know, you have these expectations, you have these societal pressures that you have to meet this person. And if you don't, oh gosh, what if you made a mistake? You know. Maybe it's too late, maybe I have to stay with this person or you're with this one person and they're so perfect in the beginning. Perfect being a very triggering word sometimes. And then you realize, oh, gosh, they made a mistake, oh gosh, we got into a fight. And you grew up with those expectations that say that that is wrong. And that breaks your heart. Yeah, it just does.
Kiyomi: [00:07:22] We grow up with these expectations that are also so unconscious, like you said, where we don't even recognize that it's really there. And then we kind of look back and we're like, Oh, I remember my mom or this person in my life saying to me, make sure you meet someone that makes you feel whole, make sure you meet someone that makes you feel at peace. And we don't even realize that those that we had those unconsciously until were hit with our first heartbreak, which is that expectation that our partner can't make us feel whole. They can't make us feel fulfilled. So let's just kind of go into that for a second. I know that you talked so beautifully when we talked before about three heartbreaks that you personally went through. And the first one that you said that you experienced was around the heartbreak of your partner not being able to save you. So I know that you kind of went through some difficult time in your life and you really struggled. And that's when ROCD and anxiety really came up for you. So can you talk just a little bit about what you mean when you realize and had that first heartbreak that your partner can't save you?
Emma: [00:08:29] Yeah. So, the first heartbreak, like you said, occurred about two years ago and it was really hard. I had never lived away from my family. I mean, I went to college, I studied abroad, all that stuff, but never permanently, you know? And up until this point, it was honeymoon, honeymoon, you know, like my partner and I were long distance and I was so excited. I got a new job. I was moving closer to my boyfriend. I was starting my life. You know, and expectations, they come back, you think, Oh my gosh, everything's going to be so great now. And then things start to disappoint you. And this was a big, big transition. You know, I left my family and all my friends, and all I had was my partner. My job wasn't anything that I thought it was going to be. It was a terrible environment. And because of that, I didn't make any friends. It was hard to be alone. Only having your partner. And that's when everything started to project. I moved because of him. So it's his fault. Everything is like this. He should be saving me. He should be making everything better. He should make me happy. Why am I so unhappy? And that heartbreak of realizing they can't do that. You have to. And that is so hard to come to terms with. Because I was coddled, you know, growing up. I didn't have to worry too much. You know, I flew through school. I had good friends. I had a good home life. And you just think everything will continue.
Kiyomi: [00:11:08] I love that you also brought up this idea that, you know, everyone has a different childhood, some people are kind of really attuned to, some people have a lot of attention from their parents, some people not, not so much. But I know you spoke about really having a lot of attention and kind of being given a lot of things in your life. And so we kind of come up with this unconscious expectation that if I had that in my life and I had all of these things planned out for me and all of these things, you know, lined up for me, then my relationship should be the same that my partner should give me that too. And that is a really big heartbreak that a lot of people go through where they do realize, as you said, my partner can't save me, right? My partner can't, can't be the one to really pick me up from my sadness. And that's what a lot of people with ROCD really kind of go through unconsciously that they don't realize which is, you know, when we have these expectations, like you said, that my partner should save me and fulfill me and make me happy. Then we're really setting ourselves up unconsciously in a lot of ways for that heartbreak around this idea of being saved and something that I kind of want to transition into with that was another heartbreak that you brought up, which most people ROCD go through, which is, you know, I'm an adult. And what does that mean at the heartbreak and uncertainty of life? So I know we spoke just a little bit about this idea of, you know, relationships should just kind of flow easily and they should just be and it should just be known. And, you know, all of my needs are going to be met. And, you know, just kind of this fantasy idea that we don't need to put work into it. But I would love for you to talk just briefly about, you know, this idea of heartbreak and adulthood, this uncertainty of life, of having this belief that, OK, if I'm in the right relationship, then I'm not going to need to put any work into it right or like it should be easy and kind of the heartbreak of coming into being an adult and responsibilities and kind of even coming into this place of boundary work and being an adult of what it means to put boundaries down and not need to please everyone and all those type of things that I know that we can go into so many of this. But let's just talk briefly about, you know, the heartbreak of being an adult and how that's also really shown up in your relationship in ROCD.
Emma: [00:13:32] Sure, yes. So growing up in general is hard, you know, everyone deals with moving on from their parents. Everyone deals with moving out, growing up. When you have our kid, you can be a little bit harder because. You start to realize that life doesn't come so easy. That hard work doesn't just equate to a job, it equates to your life. You grow up thinking that a relationship should be easy if it's hard, it's wrong. And that is the opposite. You think that it shouldn't be hard, you get into a fight automatically, you think that, oh my gosh, this is not the right relationship, but heartbreak is part of being an adult. You're going to experience heartbreak not only in your relationship, but in ways that you never expected. You're going to have a lot more responsibility. And you're going to start to realize that you have to work, you're going to have to do things, things are just going to come to you. You have to set boundaries. You know, you have to realize that growing up is almost a new section of your life, you start to realize you might not keep all your friends. You start to realize that other people don't have the same opinions as you. You start to realize that you might lose your job. You might deal with all of these things that you never thought would come to you. Because you grow up thinking, Oh, that that's terrible, but it won't happen to me. And heartbreak can occur. When you have a fight with your partner, heartbreak can occur when you move out of your parents house. Heartbreak can occur when you make your first big move. And that's all a part of being an adult.
Kiyomi: [00:16:10] So really, in a lot of ways, this heartbreak really moves you to a place of kind of that young version or that young person of ourselves into this adult version and something that I know you brought up as well was this line around the idea of saving, but also that your partner can't be everything right? And that's kind of like the third heartbreak that we can kind of go into. And then it just kind of speaks just briefly about, you know, why your partner can't be everything. And I know that there was a period where you said that finding a friend and having community really helped you with that.
Emma: [00:16:45] Yes. So definitely that is another heartbreak where you realize that your partner can't do everything, be everything, have everything that you want or need. It can't be something that you go into and expect a whole community in one person. I love having my girls' nights. I love theater, I love being with my theater friends. You have to also be OK with having some alone time and having some space. And that was really, really hard for me. I used to think that if I wanted to be alone. But that meant I was in the wrong relationship. That if I wanted to, like, go out to eat, but I didn't want to invite my partner. Oh gosh, I'm a terrible person, but you start to realize that your partner can't be your everything. And that's heartbreaking, because you grow up with this fantasy. Thinking you're going to meet that person. They are going to be your everything. They are going to be your best friend, your lover, your shoulder to cry on and someone that you will always want to be around. And boy, ain't that not the truth.
Kiyomi: [00:18:30] It's amazing when we get into this work of how much unconscious beliefs we've carried since we were young and how society really reinforces those beliefs that really do end up making us almost like question our reality and then in turn reinforces the ROCD and the anxiety and we're like, wait, I've been told all of these things, but my partnership and who I'm with doesn't mirror that what is going on, and that's kind of when we start to, you know, go into what we're talking about with these heartbreaks. And I would say when we're talking about these heartbreaks, it's really grief. It's really a state of shock and then almost like sadness. And what I really want to go into with that is that we can be you and I could be talking about all of these heartbreaks and it can feel like, Oh my God, I have to go through these heartbreaks. And, you know, this is really, really hard. And what I want to spin it around and say is that these heartbreaks are actually very OK, right? Very, actually healthy. And I kind of want to start to go just a little bit into how heartbreaks have helped you. And why do you think heartbreak this kind of starts for us with why you think heartbreaks are OK? Let's start with that. And then we'll kind of go into how heartbreaks have helped you, how they're actually good, even though they can be painful. And then how they really helped your relationship. Several factors with why heartbreaks are OK.
Emma: [00:20:01] First off, heartbreaks are OK because we're human. That is the blanket of everything that you're going to deal with heartbreak and that might be hard to hear, but it's going to happen. And it's OK because life is hard. It doesn't need to be easy and free flowing all the time. Heartbreak is something that can make you stronger. It doesn't have to be this TV show laying on the couch crying, which also if that happens, it's OK. But I can't even express sometimes how grateful I have been through the heartbreak. Because it's OK to have those feelings. You grew up being told that someone was going to come in and fix you, that someone was going to come in and save you. You need to give yourself grace. Heartbreak doesn't mean broken. It means that you have somewhere and something to learn. Somewhere to grow and you can use heartbreak in your relationship. Like I said earlier, I've only been in one relationship and I've experienced heartbreak. You can use that to really find a safe place within another person. An internal and external place where you are able to express the grief you feel. And I bet you they probably feel the same. You know, everyone has expectations. And everyone gets disappointed. But that does not mean that you're in the wrong relationship. It also can bring you closer together. So much more vulnerable with each other. So much more leniency with each other's mistakes. So much more gratitude. It really is OK.
Kiyomi: [00:23:00] Such a beautiful thing to remind everyone watching that most people here are watching because they have ROCD or anxiety. But heartbreak is the reality of life and it's the reality of being in a relationship. And it's the reality even aside from people who don't have ROCD. You know, these expectations that we have and these beliefs that we have. But I love that you brought up how your heart breaks, in a lot of ways have allowed you to grieve, right? Grieve those old expectations that you had that weren't serving you. Because as we're doing this work, we really do need to shed what's holding us in place to look at it, to grieve it. And in turn, it actually opens our heart, which you spoke about, more gratitude, more leniency, more openness, more connection. So we don't have to look at heartbreak as something bad. I really want to bring that up many times throughout this podcast, which is that heartbreak can be so freeing, disappointing, maybe sad and maybe really just like angry. Maybe I will kind of talk a little bit about tangible ways to work on the feelings of heartbreak. And you might be feeling so angry at the world and disappointed and just angry at your partner. But as we move through that and give ourselves grace and compassion for that, then it then opens into a new opening of awakening right with our self and our partner. And I know you also spoke briefly about not only it's helped your relationship with your partner, but also with your family as well?
Emma: [00:24:27] Oh yeah, for sure, I definitely, I feel. Like. I've been able to release this pressure of seeking that. My family is always thinking something bad or my friends are thinking something bad or anything like that. And when you're able to give yourself the space to feel that. Sorry I think that I lost my train of thought.
Kiyomi: [00:25:06] That is so OK. Yeah, but with with the family wise and with with that right, it gives in itself and probably also space for them to in some way also being human as well, just kind of with what they're going through without also that expectation that they need to be certain whether they need to think a certain way or, you know, you in the net probably also help so much with the people pleasing as well, which I know we kind of talked about. [00:25:31][24.5]
Emma: [00:25:32] Yeah with the people pleasing it definitely is hard to deal with because we're all people pleasers. Most people that I've met with ROCD or talk to, we love being people pleasers. We love seeing other people happy and when you give yourself the space to realize that you also need that and that not everybody's always going to be happy, you're not going to please people all the time. I think that that's where you feel so much more normal. You feel you can make mistakes. And not feel like the world is falling apart. You know? You feel more seen, more heard. And you start to be more forgiving and more loving towards not just your partner, not just yourself, but your family, your friends. And you realize life is hard, not just for you. It's hard for everyone around you, and when you realize that heartbreak is OK. And that you're going to experience it with basically anyone that's close to you. You're able to see how much the grace and space and all that stuff that you learn not only affects you, but everyone around you. It's beautiful.
Kiyomi: [00:27:13] I love this podcast because it's so straight to the point, and it's like so honest where we're not like bs'ing or sugar coating anything and saying like to awaken and go through this phase is just this like uphill, wonderful thing which I know, you know at Awaken into Love we're like, No, this is hard work. These are these realizations and expectations. So for people who are listening a lot with ROCD, you know there's a tendency to get caught up in, Oh my god, I'm feeling disappointed. Both disappointment and grief and anger. Am I doing something wrong? Right? I think I'm getting caught up in that. And so I know we're not really sugarcoating. We're being super honest. We're saying, Hey, heartbreaks are going to happen, doesn't mean you're doing anything bad. And in reality, this is part of this process of awakening and being honest and kind of also expressing that, yeah, although it's painful, it's also super, super healthy and can help you so much with your partner, which I love, love, love that you talked as well, and then also with your relationships with others. Because when we really take off that expectation of other people needing to be a certain way, then we take that expectation and pressure off of ourselves in so much pain, which is just this sense of, you know, freedom in the sense of, you know what, we've really been looking for and we've always been thinking, I have to do everything out there to change and do everything with my partner when in reality, it's like all of these beliefs that we just start to shed and we just come within and relief that expectation.
Emma: [00:28:40] It helps even feel a little more thankful. You know, you see more of the smaller things rather than expecting the big.
Kiyomi: [00:28:49] Absolutely. I love that. It really comes down to that, doesn't it? When we kind of get into this phase of like moving through the ROCD of, oh these little moments of beauty. You thought you had these expectations of how it should be and what it's going to look like when you come into this kind of awakening phase, but then you realize, Oh, it's not really what I thought it was going to be. But in a more gentle and integrative way, yeah. So what I would love to kind of go into is just tangible ways that you've worked on heartbreak. I know the first part we talked about was kind of like writing a letter, so I'd love for you to just talk about how you wrote that in heartbreak.
Emma: [00:29:29] Yeah. So something that really helped me. I wrote multiple of these. It wasn't just one time I did it. Over months and months, I wrote letters to a fantasy boyfriend, you know, a fantasy partner. And it was like. Dear partner, I have to let you go. I have to move on. And I have to start living. I have to make mistakes, and I have to figure some things out on my own. I appreciate you being there for so long. Because you made life pretty fun, fantasy partner. You had me have all these wonderful expectations of fireworks and love, which is fun to think about sometimes, you know? But it's time to let you go. Because here's a secret. It's a little bit better. And you write versions of these letters, you could crumple them up and throw them out if you want. You can keep them in a journal. Read them if you want. Something that helped me was reading them out loud to myself, burn them. I don't know, whatever makes you feel good. But writing that letter is freeing because you're able to have almost a catharsis with realizing, Oh, I have this little, almost imaginary friend for such a long time. And that sucks letting them go. You know, I cried so many times. I was like, Oh, come on, why can't I have you come on. And then you finish writing your letter. I always threw mine out. I didn't keep them and you go back to your real life. And you realize it's OK. And no matter how many of those letters it takes to write, I promise that they do help.
Kiyomi: [00:31:57] There's something so freeing about writing things down. And I know some of you listening right now do journal a lot. There's something so freeing about artwork. There's something so freeing about, you know, putting something out there instead of having it just in our minds. And they find that writing a letter even to that, that fantasy partner that you know, we've we've held onto for how many years of our lives since we were young. You know, for a long time. And there's also psychology and science behind coming into births. And Harville Hendrix talks about this amazingly coming into birth and then having our parents be our everything like right in the beginning, they are the ones that are supposed to fulfill all our needs. They are the one that's supposed to save us when we're hungry. They are the one that's supposed to be our everything, right? And then what happens is we unconsciously expect our partner to then be our parents. And when they don't fulfill that role, we come into a state of disappointment. And that's when I feel we really get to the point of, oh, like, I am here for me or something greater is here for me. Aside from my partner, when we come into that realization of adulthood, which we talked about with the heartbreak for one of the heartbreaks. So I know another one that you talked a little bit about was setting boundaries.
Emma: [00:33:21] That's a big one. So setting boundaries doesn't have to just be with other people where that is important. But something that really helped me was setting boundaries with myself. This was the example I talked about earlier where I actually set a timer. You know, I physically set a timer on my phone and I was like, I am not going to ask for reassurance. Not going to do it. I'm going to set myself a ten minute timer and I have a thought. And anybody with ROCD knows that when it's in your head, you're like, I need to get it out. I need to tell someone, I need to ask someone. But I gave myself a timer. I was like, I'm not going to ask for reassurance for ten minutes. OK. I would do it. And then, you know, over time. Get 20 minutes, 30 minutes an hour to the point where I was only asking one or two questions a day, and even now I go days without reassurance seeking at all. And something that's important, though, is that if you mess up, it's OK, like I messed up plenty of times, like if you ask a reassuring question, don't beat yourself up about it. Because that's what we're used to. You know, that's our way of thinking. And it's going to take some time. You're not going to be able to go from 10 minutes to an hour in a week. It might take months, you might fall backwards, you will get back up. But setting those boundaries really gives you a firm sense of I could do this. I am strong enough, and that helps with heartbreak, because with the heartbreak you feel. Sometimes it feels like you can't do it. And just the simple way of being like, wow, I did that today, I waited for 15 minutes. Wow, I'm awesome.
Kiyomi: [00:35:53] It starts to build in the sense of being able to also trust yourself and lean on yourself and also takes away this expectation of needing to fix me. They need to do these things. If I can do this myself, then wow, I can start to lean on myself. Actually started to kind of build that relationship within myself instead of expecting my partner to fulfill me. Very powerful, right? It's like these small things that really build up. And that's also something really helpful with someone who has depression. If any of you are listening right now and if you're experiencing depression, just these little things like Emma talked about, like ten or even five minutes and kind of getting through that with an understanding and giving yourself grace that you're going to kind of make mistakes. That's part of being human. That actually builds a sense of confidence, which actually in turn makes us go back into our self and come back into our wholeness. So it's very, very powerful. Alongside that, I know that another thing that you spoke about ways and how you can work on heartbreak with something with community and friends. Do you want to talk to us a little bit about how that helped you?
Emma: [00:36:57] Yeah, for sure. Community and friends are very, very important. In the beginning of my ROCD, I didn't really have anybody, you know, I only had my partner and going back to those expectations, you think that will be enough in the beginning and to work through your heartbreak, you need people, you need friends, you need family. I ended up, you know, admitting that I needed some help. And I was able to go to basically like a class I did, like a class on anxiety and OCD, and I met some really great people. And that's when I started to learn, like the science behind the community of not being alone. Because before you find other people, before you see the stuff, you feel so alone. That's heartbreaking. And finding a good person to talk to or people that give you the space to release, not be judgmental because people have their opinions and you do learn over time with ROCD that some people you just are going to want to talk to about it. Some people just are not going to understand. And that's OK. And even if it's just one person that you trust. That you feel comfortable around, that makes the world of difference. And I have built a strong group of friends and community, not only through AIR and my buddies who I love very much but in my personal life, too, with my friends. And that goes back to needing to realize that your partner can't be your everything and finding that sense of community and love will make the world of difference, even though it's hard, I know it's hard.
Kiyomi: [00:39:26] I love that. I love that community. And one of the biggest reasons as to why the ROCD course and AIR has such a strong community is because we really do heal in community. We have this expectation that our partner will be able to do that for us. But then we start to realize, no, that's not true. Our partner can't do that and that community is really such a big part of healing. And I think something that you brought up, which I want to kind of, you know, tap into just a little bit was the first step was like asking for help, realizing that you needed help and support, which is like everyone with ROCD, right? We have this idea. We can do it alone. We can do it alone. I don't need anyone. I just need my partner and just myself, and I don't need help. But the first step for you was really realizing, OK, first, I need help and support. And the other part was really healing in the community, which I know has been so profound for you and witnessing that also in you and AIR has been so wonderful too.
Emma: [00:40:25] It's not weak to need help.
Kiyomi: [00:40:27] No, no
Emma: [00:40:29] strong.
Kiyomi: [00:40:30] It's very, very strong. It's very, very strong. And the strength of it too, which I know is one of the tangible ways to work on heartbreaks which is allowing yourself to grieve. I know you talked a little bit about that. So if you could just go into that, the emotions that come up, what that looked like for you, I know you talked about even like screaming in your car or your pillow and feeling really upset, but like working on heartbreak is feeling the grief.
Emma: [00:40:55] Oh my gosh, yeah, you're going to feel a lot of emotions. You're going to feel angry, sad. Anything that comes up is OK. I mean, I personally felt a lot of anger. I personally felt a lot of anger throughout this whole journey. And like you said, like, yeah, I would take some time to go, turn up loud music in my car and just scream or scream into my pillow. And, you know, just be like, why world why, you know, because you're going to feel that way. And it's okay to feel all of those bad feelings. It does not mean you are doing something wrong or that you're in the wrong relationship. It means that you have feelings and emotions that you need to get out. That you need to scream, you need to cry. You need to go on a swift walk, you know, because letting yourself have all of those emotions. Really gives you power. You start to not judge yourself, not feel bad or that you're a burden. You start to realize. These are real emotions, just like happiness, just like love. And that I am allowed to have them.
Kiyomi: [00:42:37] Heartbreak ends up leading you into the full expression of our wholeness and being human, which I know we would talk so much about at Awaken into Love that we categorize this as good. This is bad, black or white. I should, I shouldn't feel this way, and heartbreak allows us to realize that our wholeness encompasses our grief, our sadness, our anger, and that gives us freedom. We're not trying to just attach onto the good feelings of happiness and joy and pleasure and all of those. It's really when we go into our heartbreak and we feel that grief and that anger and that sadness is when we really come into a greater sense of freedom and awakening in our wholeness, which is something that you so beautifully described and as kind of like the last part of the ways that you can tangibly work on or play with heartbreak. You talked about giving yourself breaks.
Emma: [00:43:30] Oh, yeah, that's really important. I feel like that's something that people forget about because in the midst of everything, you just want it to be over, you want to work on this and work on this and you want to feel better. You know, you want to see that silver lining and something that I've learned throughout all of this is you need to give yourself a break. You need to go outside and play. You need to have a dance party, you need to take a nap. You need to do things that make you feel good because life is not going to stop moving. You want to keep doing the things that you love. I know in the hardest parts of my ROCD I couldn't even enjoy theater and singing, and my favorite TV shows or reading a book, you know, and those I love doing those things. And something that is very important to realize is that it's OK to take time out of your day for yourself. It is OK to not think about your partner. It is OK to have thoughts come up and still have fun. And letting yourself integrate that freedom, that playfulness, that sweet release of a laugh. That will make the days easier.
Kiyomi: [00:45:20] So beautiful, so beautiful. I was going to ask you for the last question, final words of wisdom and compassion for people, but I felt like that was like, you're like, so good. I was like, Oh, that was amazing. I don't know if there's anything that you feel called toward or you feel that you want to add for just people who are experiencing ROCD and anxiety in their relationship, or even just kind of just final words of wisdom and compassion for people who are listening and struggling right now.
Emma: [00:45:51] Of course. I think the most important thing, even though it is simple. Is that you will get through this. I know how hard it is. And how it feels like you will never be able to get past it. You listen to these podcasts or watch videos and you say that'll never be me. And I was you. Simply a year ago, less than. And I might be you again. But I have so much wisdom. And I hope that the people listening know that if they feel alone, that there are people out there that are having the same thoughts, that are feeling the same feelings. And that I have space in my heart and my mind now to hold you.
Kiyomi: [00:47:07] So beautiful Emma, thank you, thank you for your words of wisdom and for your compassion. I know before this podcast, we talked about how you were like, I can't believe I'm here doing a podcast.
Emma: [00:47:20] Oh my god,yeah
Kiyomi: [00:47:25] At Awaken into Love and we get to these places and we have ROCD and we're so stuck in suffering that we're exactly like you said, like, that's never going to happen to me. Not going to be like that person on the podcast. And all of a sudden you're sitting here or talking all about heartbreak. We're talking all about you in Colorado, and we're doing this podcast. And that is such a strong thing that, you know, most people do really feel with ROCD. I'm never going to get better. I'm going to be like this forever. And you were such a living testament that that is a lie, that progress and awakening is possible. And you can even be doing a podcast on Awaken into Love all about the wisdom you know that you've accumulated, which I know I talked to you a little bit about before you know seeing your posts from before in the AIL community and how far you've come. It's like, Wait, how did I get here? You know? Getting to this place. So thank you. I know that you've been such a leader for a lot of people in AIR. And I know that you are right now for the podcast, and I know that, you know, for the people listening right now, heartbreaks are real in relationships, and we want to really normalize that today. And Emma so beautifully came on and talked to her about her experience and really how heartbreaks are not anything bad. Really, they're not bad, but a way that can really help you in your life and your relationship in a greater way that can give you greater, greater freedom. So thank you so much Emma for being here.
Emma: [00:48:54] Yeah, Thank you Kiyomi.
Kiyomi: [00:48:56] Thank you. Thank you.
Kiyomi: [00:48:58] All right, everyone. So that's it for today's podcast. I feel so grateful that I got to interview Emma. Emma had actually reached out to us about a couple of weeks ago, saying that she really wanted to share her wisdom with us. And I felt so privileged and honored to be able to sit down with her and just to listen to her insight that she has gained so much from within the last year or so. If you are interested in also joining the AIR community, a place of people who are deepening their awakening into relationship with themself, their partner and the world, then open enrollment starts in December. So if you're interested, send us an email at support@awakenintolove.com and you will be put on the waitlist. If this is your first time hearing about Awaken into Love and you're just interested in knowing more about ROCD and finding freedom from ROCD, then go to www.rocdcourse.com. I'm so excited to be here, and I'm looking forward to our next podcast episode, which will not happen next week, but the week after. I hope you have a lovely day, night or morning, wherever you are. And here's to being human, #YANA. Bye everyone.