The Power of Healing the Inner Child to Heal ROCD/Anxiety
Kiyomi: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Awaken into Love podcast. This is your host Kiyomi LaFleur, and we are on episode number 18. Today, I have an incredible guest joining us to talk to you about the power and healing of using inner child work to heal ROCD and OCD. We speak about what inner child work is, how it's transformed her life and helped heal her ROCD, the resistance and feeling crazy when doing it, and how you can start to incorporate inner child work into your healing in your life. Some of you have already done incredible inner child work with Alexis or other therapists. But if this is your first time hearing it, or if you're just starting out, then you're in for a treat. Carl Jung, an incredible psychologist, first created the concept of a child archetype with other leaders such as Lucia Capacchione and John Bradshaw making it more mainstream. To this day most therapists have heard and know the work of inner child and healing, as has become a phenomenal method used to work with attachment styles, trauma wounding, which are all core parts of ROCD. The simple form is us. We all have an inner child within us and it is through healing, mirroring, and loving the inner child that we find healing and transformation. But keep in mind that the inner child work is one method that we use at Awaken into Love, but it isn't the whole part of our work as we incorporate many methods at Awaken into Love to accelerate and transform your healing process with ROCD and anxiety. This specific guest I'm interviewing today had such great healing and success with inner child work, and she really wanted to come up on here and share you her story and how you can find healing too. Please keep in mind again, that this is her story, and it doesn't have to look like yours. So take what works and use it to empower and awaken you.
Kiyomi: [00:01:48] I am so excited and thrilled to be interviewing someone who feels close to my heart and someone who I've known within the past couple of years, actually a ROCD course graduate and someone that I've worked closely with within the last couple of years. I'm so excited to have this lovely individual who is currently residing and has been in the Middle East.
Speaker 2: [00:02:14] Hi Kiyomi, thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
Kiyomi: [00:02:17] I'm so excited. I feel like this topic is also a really important one to be talking about.
Speaker 2: [00:02:23] Yes. Yes, we always talk about it, and it's something I'm very passionate about, and I can't wait to share one. So. So, yeah, let's get it started.
Kiyomi: [00:02:32] Yeah. So do you want to talk just a little bit for the audience about what we will be talking about today or what's been on your heart? Because I know that you reached out to me, or we know I reached out to you, I think we both kind of reached out to each other.
Speaker 2: [00:02:44] Yes, yes.
Kiyomi: [00:02:45] And we were like, oh, I really? You really want to do a podcast. I really want to have you on the podcast because I know you've done a lot of incredible work; your own inner work within the last couple of years has been so transformative. Do you want to talk just briefly to the audience about what we'll be speaking about today?
Speaker 2: [00:03:04] Yeah, sure. So as you said, I'm so excited to be speaking about this topic because it's something that's so close to my heart, and it gives me so much joy also to be able to share it with other people because the more you help people, the better that you feel as well. And I also want to say that I come I do come from the Middle Eastern culture, and anyone who's listening to this can relate in a sense where it's so hard for us to open up in our culture and talk about our emotions and our struggles and our pains and the pressure that we have to conceal it is really what's increases our resistance and anxiety even more. So the fact that I'm here and opening up about this topic, and hopefully, I'll help others within my region or anywhere else to open up as well. So I really hope I can be that person for everyone today, and I hope that everyone can also relate to me today. So I really wanted to say that's first so that everyone can understand. And then other points I wanted to mention, and I know I always talk to you about this Kiyomi, is that I want to tell everyone on this to everyone listening. Something that I've learned in my journey is that all of us are only human. And for us to remember that it's okay for us to go through hard emotions, it's okay for you to have ROCD. We are not expected to wake up every day in the morning being perfect soldiers and robots without a heart. We have, and something that I always remind myself is that I have blood running through my veins. I have a heart beating, and that's just proof that I'm alive and I'm human, and I meant to see my emotions right. So I really want to emphasize this self-acceptance aspect first before we get into our topic today, and this is something that I always remind myself, and I just wanted to remind everyone as well, whoever is listening or not. So let's start there. [00:04:57][113.1]
Kiyomi: [00:05:00] I love that you start with that, this whole idea of self-acceptance. But also more in the sense of like, Hey, guys, like we're human. And I think that you and I talked about how Awaken into Love that's the basis and why we say, here's to being human all the time, because, you know, that's one of the biggest journeys of it. I know that today, we're going to be talking about self-love. We will be talking specifically about inner child work, which has been powerful for you. I know that you are also going to be talking about how to see inner child work as something that's just so human and how you don't have to put such a scientific psychological spin on it, even though there's so much research out there on how inner child work is so powerful. But what I hear from you is that today you'll be talking to the audience about humanizing self-love. And I guess standing it with working with the inner child.
Speaker 2: [00:05:58] Exactly. So I mean, I can start with the fact that I've gone through ROCD myself. I mean, I've gone through a hard relationship myself and kind of that journey and meeting you and being parts of the program. And everything I've learned is what led me to this concept that we all see online called inner child. And you can open your Instagram, and I'm just going to like, you know, make this an average day. You have your coffee, you open your Instagram, and you're scrolling through, and you see all these therapists talk about #innerchild. You know, it's your day by saying this and journaling this and that, which is great. But the question is, where do you really start? How can you really understand what it means? And I was that person before I met you, Kiyomi. I just kept seeing inner child, but I didn't understand how to apply it to my life until I went through that hard journey I went through. I just asked myself, What's the best way for me to make it as simple but as beautiful as possible?
Kiyomi: [00:07:02] I love that, simple and beautiful as possible
Speaker 2: [00:07:07] Not to complicate things. Do you know what I mean? It's not supposed to be complicated.
Kiyomi: [00:07:13] And right before we move forward, I would love to hear from you. For the audience who may not know what even Inner Child is, then your own words. What would you say an Inner Child is?
Speaker 2: [00:07:24] I'm going to tell you in three or four words. Loving the little me, there are four words for you. Exactly. But it's a bit cheesy, but you know, I go through this stuff here, but I honestly say that because it's just the simplest way of putting it. And the concept of it, just the concept of talking or just closing your eyes and remembering the little you, I don't think it is a common practice to do daily. It's not like you wake up, and you're like, Oh, you know, before I start to work, I'm going to close my eyes and remember, the little me is not that people naturally inclined to, so the first time, I like to say visits. So the first visits I had to the little me were very powerful and very different in a good way, of course. So when I visited her, I realized how much she missed me. And that's how I, you know what I mean? And this little girl hasn't met me, and she hasn't seen me for such a long time, and I never realized how much she needed me.
Kiyomi: [00:08:44] So to kind of spin, it back and then brings just the audience also to this understanding. So I love that you say this. little me, right? Like within us. So just for the audience listening right now, having this concept of an inner child is a concept used a lot in therapy. A lot of psychologists use it. It's not as popular in some different modalities. Still, it can be very powerful in bringing about more self-compassion and acceptance to self, which is part of working with OCD. So with what you're saying, we all have this little me within us that I'm going to just say right off the bat never goes away. And this little me is a big part of healing, right? And we can say it in different ways where some people say, inner child. Some people say fear. Some people work with it differently, like mindfulness or different parts within yourself; parts work. Still, something really helpful for you what I'm hearing with ROCD work has been going back and seeing that little you, and then when you did that, you noticed that this little you were asking for your attention the whole time.
Speaker 2: [00:10:00] It asked for my attention the whole time. And I do want to mention, first of all, that it's OK to feel resistance. And it's okay to feel a sense of, Oh my god, am I doing it right? I'm not getting there; I’m not feeling her. And I want people to know that even though I'm recording this podcast and I'm speaking about my experience, I'm also still human, and I go through my moments of, you know, I remember, Oh, OK, I need to revisit her. She's not; she’s not fully there. And so it's normal to have these moments. But what I do want to share, and I'm not the only one who wants to touch into that, are the practices and kind of the journey that I went through and how I got in touch with my little me. So if you want me to get to that, I can.
Kiyomi: [00:10:44] yeah, I think that; let’s also go into why you think it's so important to get in touch with the little me specifically for ROCD work. Let's go. And then even like because I know that the journey you've expressed that you experienced ROCD, you also experience other forms of OCD. Right, that was something that you said.
Speaker 2: [00:11:03] Yeah, I did. So yes, that's very true. So I did experience multiple, let's see, variations of OCD. So ROCD was one of them, and all of them just come into one package at the end of the day. But like you said, when I went back to my inner child, I practiced the highest level of self-compassion that you can ever practice. When you come upon the little you, to me, true love, true self-love, and when you start practicing that inner child healing, you will feel a sense of that resistance, even if it's just a little bit, even if it's just a centimeter a day of that resistance decreasing the more you practice your inner child and loving that little you. From my experience, that resistance will fall slowly, slowly, slowly but surely. And that's why it's so important for you to do it, you know, to remind yourself to do it every day.
Kiyomi: [00:12:07] So why do you think it's so important specifically for ROCD of working with the inner child?
Speaker 2: [00:12:13] So I experience I went through an experience where I had a lot of obsessive thoughts, and I had a lot of self-doubts, and I had a lot of these thoughts that would take over my mind that it would make me doubt everything, it would make me doubt my feelings, it would make me doubt, you know, it would make me doubt, mostly my feelings and the way I thought about myself, the way I thought about others and the world. And these thoughts really took over. Once I got into the inner child and healing and what I call self-compassion, that noise in my head that sites that I would feel with the OCD would just calm down. And it's kind of like the more love you pour into yourself; it’s kind of like you're pouring love. And while you're pouring the love, you're also reducing the how do you say it, the fight? Yeah. I hope that makes sense.
Kiyomi: [00:13:19] It makes sense. That's really the basis of radical compassion, which I know you, and I have talked about the reason as to why we really incorporate. I feel like we could do a whole other podcast on the importance of radical compassion for ROCD and just OCD in life. But I'm hearing this huge piece of really that radical compassion and that love really helping the OCD and the ROCD, right? And that's something you really experience. And that to get into that state of love and to get into that state of compassion, the inner child work was really helpful for you.
Speaker 2: [00:13:53] Yes, definitely. And I want people to know because I'm while we're talking about this, I remember being in a very, very difficult place mentally. When I was going through ROCD, I felt like there was a fog in my mind, and I really felt like there was no way out. And that's totally normal, and I want people to know that that's what I felt as well. But then I realized that maybe I'm here for a reason, that maybe I'm going through this for a reason, where the universe and gods, you know? I know many people have beliefs, but there is something in my life that was happening that was telling me, you know, now is your time to heal. This is the moment, and this is the signal to you that at this point in your life, let's, you know, visit that little girl she's calling you. This is why you're through this experience. That's why you have ROCD. Because I just remember going through every day asking myself, Why am I going through this? What's the point? Why am I on this journey? Why? Why am I? Why am I going through this and other people aren't? You know what I mean? Such happy, stable relationships. And I have to go through this intense anxiety and doubt. And then I kept telling myself; there must be a reason. There must be a reason. And now I realize that it was this little girl who was calling me and telling me, Please come back. You know, this is the only way I come back. And it's true. I did go back to her.
Kiyomi: [00:15:31] I love that so much, so, so much. And not only from what I'm hearing is that, yeah, the working with the inner child and coming back to the inner child—giving this sense of love and compassion to the inner child. Not only did that help the ROCD, but I'm assuming that that also helped parts of your life. So let's kind of go into that for a moment how you feel as though healing and working with the inner child not only is helping the ROCD but in other ways like How do you feel like it's really helped just your life and just who you are?
Speaker 2: [00:16:00] Wow. Yeah. I mean, I really feel like it's built this beautiful, strong shield on me where every time I encounter someone, whether it's a friend, the opposite sex, a colleague, a parent, a family member, that makes me doubt myself. That shield of love, you can call it a shield of love, makes me stop, and it takes away the self-doubt. I don't even go through a moment of self-doubt because I've learned how to build that immunity of love through my practice of loving my inner child that nothing and no one will ever make me doubt myself because I know it authentically.
Kiyomi: [00:16:43] Yes. So going into that, I just think there are two things. It makes complete sense. There are two things about that. I think that the first thing that I want to say is that it was a building process. Like, I think that some people are like, OK, I'm going to meet my inner child. I know you talked about this in the beginning, going to meet my inner child, and it's just going to be like open arms and a complete loving acceptance. I remember there were some periods where, you know, there was that resistance that came up there was almost like there's the inner child even want to meet me.
Speaker 2: [00:17:14] Yes. And healing is messy, right? I mean, it doesn't. It's not always rainbows and butterflies. It's all going to be an up and down process. It's going to be messy, and that's normal. And again, to re-emphasize my points, it's human. For the love of God, you know, like we aren't robots to wake up and press a button like, Oh, I healed, you know. So it's not going to be like, you're not going to sit on the cloud with open arms, and your inner child is going to come running in a pink dress or blue suits or know whatever it is that you want to imagine. But I do want to touch upon the pictures that that's me and you talk about if you don't mind me getting into that.
Kiyomi: [00:17:58] Yeah, absolutely. I think so. Just to clarify that that last piece that you were saying, just for the audience too, just in a sense where when you started the inner child work, there wasn't that whole idea of the inner child comes running to you with open arms. And I just kind of want to clarify that for other people, which is that if you're starting this inner child work, which is very, very transformative, can be very transformative and has been extremely powerful for a lot of people with ROCD and OCD, specifically you speaking about how it's healed and just transformed your whole life. There definitely are pieces of that resistance, so it's not a very, very easy journey at all. So let's definitely now go into the piece of how you started to work with your inner child and kind of talk about it like the photos piece that you were talking about.
Speaker 2: [00:18:47] Yes. So this is a funny story, and I believe everything happens for a reason. I remember that you and I were first talking about it. I was going through a phase, and I had a friend; she used to be one of my best friends in primary school. So we were in the first, second grade, and she just randomly sent me a DM on Instagram of a video. And I, she just randomly sent it to me, and I didn't even ask for the video. I opened the video, and I saw the 5-year-old me doing a show in front of an audience, and I looked so happy and joyful, and I didn’t know what it was about that video. But once I saw that video, I immediately remembered that girl, which I knew was represented the authentic me. So it's represented the girl that I knew in my deep heart and soul that I am, but to society and the world made me think otherwise. So going back to that, when I saw that video of that little girl, I screenshotted, I screenshotted that parts of the video that I love the most where I was smiling and performing. And this is for me, personally and I screenshotted it and I saved it on my phone and I kept revisiting it every single day because the more I saw that girl, the more it's reminded me of who I really authentically and truly in my heart. And that little girl, and I know this sounds a bit might not, but I always tell myself that that little girl saved me, and she has no idea how much she saved me. So the more that I visited that picture, even if it was just a screenshot, it's created, put an image of my mind of that little girl, and that's where it all started. Because once I started that practice, which I can get into now, is that every time I closed my eyes, that image came up of that little girl, that visualization. And I think the visualization of the little you is the first step to easing into the process. So what I recommend everyone to do is to find a picture that is meaningful to their hearts—a picture of when they were little. You can be four, five, six, eleven, thirteen; it doesn’t matter, but find a picture that speaks to your heart. A picture where you just see yourself, the little you, and it's that person is really speaking to your soul, and everyone is different. A picture that reminds you of who you really are. And you know that child who just didn't have a care in the world was happy and loved everyone and was full of soul. And, you know, because kids are, that's how they are, right? That's how their souls are built. So that's what I recommend the first step to be.
Kiyomi: [00:21:45] I love that. So it's the visualization process that I do remember this that really helps you to be able to connect with that inner child because I think that it can be very vague in a lot of ways to kind of be like, OK, think of the inner child as like, OK, what does the inner child like?
Speaker 2: [00:22:03] Who is that? I haven't seen her for so long. You know, like if you're twenty-five or thirty or fifteen, you're still used to seeing yourself in the mirror at that age. But then when someone tells you to close your eyes and think of the little you, you're like, which one?
Kiyomi: [00:22:16] It can be very, very distant.
Speaker 2: [00:22:18] Yeah, exactly.
Kiyomi: [00:22:19] It can be really distant. So that visualization process, something that I do want to say too, for people who have, like, experienced trauma or have had really difficult childhoods is that sometimes it's harder, and it is absolutely. And then sometimes you might not have this sense of like, there's this feeling of disconnection of I was never happy when I was young or, you know, I wasn't really vibrant or I couldn't even. My memories are really painful, so it could even be just like a part of you that just feels tender and just feels like where you feel that you can even have like a little ounce of compassion for that little you. So I know that for some people, it can be really hard to even have like a picture or an image of themself when they were a lot younger, especially if people have experienced trauma or there's been a lot of difficulties when they were young. So there can definitely be that disconnection. Sometimes, like we have some clients or we have some friends who are like, take out the picture and they're like, there's nothing or they don't even want to look at that, their little child. And there's complete resistance and lack of compassion.
Speaker 2: [00:23:28] I mean, I can add to that briefly, if you don't have a picture or a memory of a happy memory because you've gone through a difficult childhood, that's OK because your pictures don't always have to be happy ones. If you can remember a moment where even if you were vulnerable, even if you were alone in your bed, sitting in your bed like a little child, just with yourself. That's also a memory because that's the vulnerably if that's a word you.
Kiyomi: [00:23:58] I like that vulnerably
Speaker 2: [00:24:00] I don't know if that's a word. I think I just made that up. But it should be in the dictionary. It should put it. Exactly.
Kiyomi: [00:24:08] Yeah. I love that you brought that because it's that vulnerable piece. It's that compassion piece and really going after, which is really like how we can bring a sense of even a little ounce of compassion to ourselves and even be like, Oh, man, even if my childhood felt very loving and very wonderful, there could also be that sense of like, Oh, but there there is that little part of me that was really going through that difficulty, and different emotions can come up. There could be resistance; there could be anger that could be a complete hatred even toward our inner child. But it's definitely that process of even just having that ounce of compassion is so powerful, which I know that you started to really cultivate through looking at that picture. And what an incredible thing that your friend sent that to you. Like what beautiful timing.
Speaker 2: [00:24:55] She sent it to me. It was beautiful timing, and I was like, wow, I really needed to see this video. And that little girl, I missed her so much and how much love she needed from me. And when I saw her as well, I was like, Wow, so this is authentically who I am. And I kept reminding myself, I’m loved. I'm beautiful. I'm strong. And when you repeat those things to yourself, you know, on a daily basis, it really does make a difference, right? So.
Kiyomi: [00:25:30] So I want to go into the word authentic because I know that sometimes it can be a little bit triggering for people with ROCD. I would love, love, love to hear like because I think that it's true, like our authentic self as being human is that we have all these different emotions that exactly like what you're saying which I love, which is that joy and that happiness. So I think that's something that may come up just for some people who are listening right now is, Oh my god, what if I go into my inner child and I find this authentic, real part of myself that says I need to leave? So what words do you have with that?
Speaker 2: [00:26:04] Right. So when I use the word authentic, really, what I mean is this is my view. When you were born, we are born. We entered the world. We took our first breath that is the most real and authentic that we are. When I use authentic, I mean, who are we before society put labels on us before pressures and expectations, put labels on the way we're supposed to feel, the way we're supposed to do things, you know? And that we're and I think the word Society and the expectations that we have removes that sense of authenticity from us, the more we grew up. So we get into middle school, into high school. Eventually, we're adults, and we're in real relationships and we have all these expectations. But when it comes to our self-love and self-compassion, we start to forget who we truly are at our core when society starts getting into our heads. So when I say authentic, and I connect that to the inner child, it's because when we go back to our inner child, that's you before society? Yes, that's who you are before the pressure. So that's as you are supposed to be out of love, God's love versus love. I know everyone has different beliefs, but that's truly who you are out of God's love. It's how I see it.
Kiyomi: [00:27:37] It's really like just seeing a child at play, right? Like when we see children in their essence and when they're with their outside and playing that's what I'm hearing.
Speaker 2: [00:27:47] Yes and I have to say Kiyomi, I mean, this is something I still do. By the way, there's a park outside of my house. People might find this funny, but after working hours, sometimes I take a walk in the park and I go to the children's playground. And I don't have a thing like that, I'm not joking. And this might sound weird, but I sit on the benches with a book or my phone or whatever around the kids. And that gives me a sense of joy and peace. And they're not even my kids. But why do I like to sit in that environment specifically? Because even if you're just walking in the mall, it doesn't have to be a park, whatever, and you see a little like the other day I saw a little boy in his scooter. He was like, this tiny boy. It was about four years old. He's on his scooter. Not a care in the world. So happy just riding his scooter. His little sister was behind him, you know, just playing around full of love, full of soul. And I just remember thinking to myself, Wow, you know, this is true. This is true love. This is true. I just said it's true love because I just thought, you know, this is how they are when they're young and then once they grow up and eventually enter what we call society.
Kiyomi: [00:29:04] I love that. So it's so true. So like what I hear and then actually, we did this. We all did. We did a whole class in AIR where we talked about that essence, that authentic part of ourselves. The essence of the child. So we all have that within us. And what I really see is that inner child essence, which is the authentic self with which is what I'm hearing from you, is that playful childlike wonder of curiosity. And there's also that part of our inner child, our authentic self that is also able to have an emotion and like feel that emotion. And then after 90 seconds, which is actually how long, I believe it's 90 seconds, how long an emotion lasts is able to interpret that and play and do something else, right? But society starts to condition us into this conditions are bad and everything disconnects us from our essence.
Speaker 2: [00:29:55] And I just got a light bulb in my head that I think is really good to mention. So those that are going through ROCD at the moment who are listening to this. Let's say that there's a lot of fear and it's normal for us to have fear. So if we just imagine a lot of fear in ourselves at the moments we're going through ROCD, we have fear, we have anxiety. The more you practice this idea of self-love, you start looking at your partner and loving your partner in a loving and authentic way. So it's kind of like the more you give yourself love and the more you heal that parts of yourself, that's going to be the source that's going to come out. In loving your partner, because sometimes we go through trauma and then we have an ego side that starts to build up inside of us, that comes from fear and insecurity, and that starts fights that we feel when we see resistance towards our partners. That's where it's coming. It's when you start healing what you need to heal inside of yourself. You start pouring love into that ego, and your ego eventually starts to fade away slowly, slowly and you'll notice the ROCD going down as well with it. So I just wanted to mention that.
Kiyomi: [00:31:11] I love that so much, and that's something that I know that you experience, too. And you're kind of like the testament of speaking about this. So there's something that you continually bring up that I would love to go into, which is this concept of self-love. And I know you and I have talked about self-love and what that is. And I think that in kind of like our society and like social media and like mainstream media, this word of like self-love or like just do self-care or like self-love gets thrown around a lot.
Speaker 2: [00:31:38] Yeah. So yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Kiyomi: [00:31:44] I was just going to say and I think that sometimes like people think of this idea and not to negate it, that is like self-love, taking a bath, taking like candles around. And that is my form, one of the forms of self-love. Like, I do that too. And I love it. But it's so much deeper than that. And I think that you tapped into something really important, which I do believe working with the inner child is a form of self-love. But it is challenging and it is difficult, and it's but rewarding. So why don't we talk just a little bit about kind of this idea of self-love that kind of gets thrown around in society and what you think about it?
Speaker 2: [00:32:27] Yeah, so I. OK, so this is funny, I like to add humor to my talks, so I used to be the type person about like two years ago, let's say again, you know, scroll through my Instagram, and then I'd see the word self-love. And then I think to myself, Oh, you know what? I'm going to go to the gym today. I'm going to have a nice hot shower. I'm going to put on my face mask, I'm going to drink good coffee, and I'm loving myself today, right? So I thought, that's what it was. But then, when I got into this real healing and really tapping into my inner child, I thought to myself, I was like, All that other stuff is not self-love, not self-care, right? There's between self-care and self-love. Self-love to me, the true, true, true powerful self-love, is the inner child healing. That's true self-love because if you've got it, that's you going back to yourself. So I see it as me going back to the source. I'm going after the source. I'm going back to myself. It's kind of like I left myself for a while there, and I went back to her right. The word self is included in self-love; why? Because it's myself, I'm going back to myself. Yeah, but other forms of self-love like face mask, whatever, blah blah blah, that's just, you're just caring for yourself.
Kiyomi: [00:33:58] Yes, it's the self-care piece.
Speaker 2: [00:34:01] Exactly. If you think about the word self-love, there's the word self. And then there's the word love. So if you put them, it's like loving yourself.
Kiyomi: [00:34:11] Right. Going back into that going and back into that part of you, that's like can be neglected, too. I think that there's kind of this misconception that self-love is going to be easy. And like, I think for some people, they're like, OK, well, if I do these type of things and I'm going to, you know, feel good and this is the what self-love is. And I think that what I'm hearing from you, too, is that the act of self-love and the act of caring for ourselves is challenging, right? Like I know you've witnessed within the inner child work and I think about really as a parent with the child and how a parent having a child and giving the child love is actually really challenging. Love is very, very challenging. Many, many times.
Speaker 2: [00:34:50] Yes. Yeah, that's very true. And it's challenging, especially if you were conditioned in a certain way when you were younger, a certain way of trauma. And it's very important for people to understand that inner child healing is going to be difficult, but also understand that it's not your fault if you have trauma. It's not your fault if it's hard, it's really not. And you're a human being that was born into the world that grew up in a certain environment that carried its own trauma, its own generational trauma that as a result affected you, it was never your fault or not. And it's yeah, I mean, I always tell myself that, and that's another part of self-compassion to remind yourself, I'm human and it's OK for me to be here. It's OK for me to be in this position. And I think that everyone listening to this podcast right now, the fact that they put an effort into putting time into wanting to heal and understanding themselves and talking to you and going into the program. That, to me, is so powerful and so courageous because you actually woke up this morning and you told yourself, You know what? I want to feel better today. I'm self-aware of how I feel, and I want to do the healing, and I want to tell everyone that not everyone has the courage or the bravery to step up into healing. And I want people to remember that no matter how hard, it feels very important.
Kiyomi: [00:36:27] It's so important. There's also word that you just said about, like self-aware. And I just kind of like to tie that in together with starting off this journey. Like what you're saying, like the fact that people are listening right now is so courageous and it's so brave and a lot of people don't do that right. And some people are probably like, OK, like, I don't know where to start. I don't know where to go like what the inner child work and all of that. But you brought up a really, really important piece, which is just like that self-awareness like by people just being here and listening to this podcast right now, you're actually starting your work, right? Like you're actually starting that journey of that self-love and that self-care, of stepping in and becoming aware of knowing now that you have an inner child within yourself, and that whenever there are those difficult emotions, there's attachment styles that come up, the trauma that comes up. It, just like you're saying, is an opportunity where your inner child is just asking for that deeper sense of love in order to connect back into your authentic self of the inner child.
Speaker 2: [00:37:28] Yes. And that's a blessing in and of itself. Yeah, I'm growing up in my culture in the Middle East. I wish from the bottom of my heart that more and more people knew about this, and I felt so blessed no matter how bad my experience was. When I eventually got out of it, I felt so blessed that I did the work, and I knew all of this because I realized that I built such a strong foundation in myself, a sense of self-awareness and healing. And I noticed that I was like, Wow, this isn't common for people to go through this much healing, I feel so empowered like this is amazing. I'm glad that I went through that experience, so so I want people to see it that way, you know, and especially because I've I've been the person who's gone on YouTube anxiously searching for videos. I've been that girl. I was that girl and where I'm speaking from. Yeah. But when I look back to that girl, I clapped for her and I am so proud of her and I just wish I can go back and tell her, Continue, keep going. Do the work, just keep doing the work. And eventually, you're going back at this and you're going to be a wiser, self-aware, stronger person able to share more love with people. And you grow in confidence as well with your self-awareness. Something I noticed. So yeah, honestly, I'm really speaking from a girl who honestly, I just remember searching YouTube videos like crazy on my phone, trying to search for answers. Find out what it's like.
Kiyomi: [00:39:14] It's so painful. But you, it seems like you've really come to this place within yourself. And also, like with me, having witnessed you and your journey. And what we worked together and, you know, really getting to know you. But like this deeper, deeper place of, you know, beyond just like self-love, it's like almost like a place of like true empowerment and true connection to that source. But I can also believe, too, that I'm sure that this healing work that you've done within yourself has also had a rippling effect. Maybe to your friends, maybe to your family in some way. Yes. And that you've been witnessing that too.
Speaker 2: [00:39:51] Definitely, so I do notice that. So there are two sides to it, I mean, when I noticed that I sit around certain friends, they always respond to me in a positive way, in a sense, where they always ask me, Where do you get all of your positive energy from? I mean, it's all of this love and source that come from. And once they asked me that question, I immediately come back to myself and I say, Well, I've been I've gone so far and I don't know how to explain it, just kind of like there's so much light and joy that would be inside of me that I've built. And then when I see my friends and family around me that have not yet gone through that healing. I feel two ways I feel positive in a sense where I want to put it on them and share the light and share that healing. But then also there is another way where it's like, Wow! This is everyone's individual journey, right? Everyone has a will healing time. So it's yeah, it makes me feel more confident in my life. It makes me feel like I can always go back to that little girl if I ever go resistant. You know, it's like she's there because I'm building a relationship with her, so she's it's kind of like she's my friend in life. That's how I see it. It's like me and she is walking hand-in-hand in life. And when I go through, this is a tiny bout of self-doubt and everyone goes through self-doubt and insecurity. It's kind of like she's always there, like holding my hand next to me and telling me, you know, I'm here like, it's OK. No, you're fine. Like, I'm here. Don't forget me, you know? And then once I remember that and I immediately feel better, I'm like, Yeah, that's true. That's true. We're here together.
Kiyomi: [00:41:42] We're here together, it's incredible how and everyone can, you know, cultivate this because just at the end of the day, we're just human, it's incredible how we can, as humans use the challenging and painful parts of our life of suffering from ROCD and also just the suffering, in general, being human, as a way to actually go deeper into that, that love within herself and come into this place of empowerment. And I think that that's one of the definitions of Awaken into Love is really coming back into using the challenges and the ROCD as a way to actually come back into our essence of love and come into this state of empowerment that not only helps us but also helps the world and our relationships all around you, which I think is a really big definition of, you know, the work that you've done and a huge testament.
Speaker 2: [00:42:36] Exactly. And the word the awaken is so powerful because it's you awaken your spirit and your soul, and everyone has a different awakening journey, but just that word is so powerful. And yeah, and you know, with every hard time, there would always come a sense of blessing. You know, there always comes a sense of growth and I mean, what more do you want in life?
Kiyomi: [00:43:08] So true. So what I'm curious about, and I think that's something that we can definitely end on to, is maybe some practices that you continue to do for yourself or your inner child whenever those difficulties come up. I know we talked a little bit about the hand on the heart, but what are some things that people can do to start? I know we talked about the picture. People can kind of start with just finding a picture of themselves, remembering that they still have that little child within them. And even looking at this is something always I recommend and Alexis recommends too. Alexis does a lot of inner child work just for a lot of people who are curious. But starting to find a picture of yourself when you're young and continually daily, looking at that picture and reminding yourself that whenever there's that difficult emotion or that trauma or that attachment style, that that's your inner child asking for support, but maybe you can share some other practices that people can start doing that have been helpful for you.
Speaker 2: [00:44:04] Yeah, sure. So other than the picture, and I think that's a really good way to start, by the way. So what's I've done and what I call my year of self-discovery is that I would have a routine and everyone is different. But you know, I'm one of those crazy people that wake up at 5:00 AM. You don't have to wake up at 5:00 AM, at 6:00 AM, you can wake up at 7:00 AM or 10:00 AM, you know, whatever it is that works for you. But just wake up. Just make sure those eyes are open. For me, was 5 am. And the reason why I pick 5:00 AM. is that it's just such serene, calm, and peaceful time in the day. And I take advantage of that time. So I'd wake up and immediately what I do, and this is something I learned from you Kiyomi, as well. As I would sit down in a very comfortable space. I would put my back against a couch or a bed or the wall, and I'd make sure in a way I'm facing a window. So it's not just like my bedroom or whatnot, I'd cross my legs and then what I do is with my right hand, I put my hand on my chest
Kiyomi: [00:45:19] And then also just really quickly, maybe just as an invitation, everyone listening right now can actually practice this together. So we're sitting down if you can. And unless you're driving, negate that, don't do this if you're driving. We can all do this together. So I'm hearing that we're going to all sit-down. So sitting down in a comfortable position and then you said with your legs crossed and putting your right hand on your heart, is that what you said?
Speaker 2: [00:45:42] And also, make sure your back is against something because that's also a sense of support. So don't sit on a couch, your bedsides, you know, whatever it is, a wall, whatever it is that you want, cross your legs and then put your right hand on your chest and put your left hand on your tummy. Close your eyes. And the first thing is just to take a deep breath. And the reason why and this is something I learned from Kiyomi and the reason why I have my one hand on one hand on my stomach is I remember me and you said it's a body language and an expression of the love you have for yourself. So like holding on to yourself and to me, that position is telling myself, I'm here for you. So the hand on my chest and the hand on my stomach is a direct expression of I'm here for you. That's what that body language should give you. So starts by taking deep breaths. And then slowly but surely, what I do is that I would sit down no matter how long it took. I would have my eyes closed and I would visualize the little me either and I for me, I visualize her in my childhood home because that's where I most resonates. It depends on the person, but for me, it was my childhood home. So there are two scenarios either I would be the adult me and I would walk into my childhood home and I would find her there waiting for me. And what I do visualize is me walking up to her and very softly telling her, like, Hi, are you OK? I'm here. Don't worry, I came to visit you today, and maybe some might listen to this might be like, you know, this is a bit weird, but it's OK, you know, and I and I thought of myself. So when I first did it, by the way, my resistance is very funny. So I'd like to add humor to resistance if that's alright with everyone. I mean, it's it makes my resistance was I remember doing this at first and I opened my eyes and was like, What am I doing? What? What am I doing here? It's all right, that's. And then I remind myself, it's OK, you don't just do it, just do it. Close your eyes. Let's see how this is going to work. And I have to and I want to remind everyone that I did do this three or four times until I got it right. So I did have resistance, but in the end, I close my eyes. I imagine the adults me walking up to her and saying, like, Hi, I'm here, I'm here for you. Don't worry, let's sit together. Let's talk. And then I'd sit with her, and then I tell I'd give her a hug and my visualization and out loud as I'm doing. If I tell, I would say it out loud. While I'm crossing my legs with my hands on my chest, I would say, I'm here for you. You're not alone. Don't worry, I came to visit you. I came to see you. You know, I didn't forget you. Don't worry. And I just kind of keep saying that. I keep saying that. Keep saying that. And I would naturally find tears coming down my face because I would get the sense of she missed me so much, and it was like she couldn't believe that I came to visit her. You know what I mean? Another way that you can do reverse roles. So you are the adult that is struggling, and maybe people actually would resonate with this more. You're the struggling adults. And she's there to visit you or he, that little person is there to visit you. And what I would imagine that's something really helped me was that little children with baby hands would put both of their hands on my face. And I would imagine, like a little baby's voice or child's voice speaking to me and telling me, like, it's OK and I'm going to do this here. I'm, you know, I like to do expressions. So it's like, it's OK. I'm here, it's OK. I'm here for you. Don't worry. And, you know, remember who you are. I'm here to remind you. Remember who you are. So everyone has a different dialog, but I'm sharing my scripts with everyone. But what's something so powerful is when that little child touches your face or touches your heart or touches your shoulders, your hair because you're visualizing that love being received as well from your inner child. So just the more that you practice this every day, you just wake up for 15 minutes, 10 minutes. Put your hand on your chest, cross your legs, close your eyes and visualize what it is that you want to visualize. That little person is there and does it every single day, and it only takes 10 minutes of your day. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you think about it, we have 24 hours in our day, and those 10 minutes, I notice that when I started that way, my day would flow much easier. I would feel a sense of flow and comfort in my day. So this is something that I did, and I remember this was during the pandemic, by the way, all of us were in quarantine and that quarantine time gave me that time to do. And even if right now you're busy and you have work and you're working from home or remotely, that's fine. Don't open your laptop. Don't do anything. Just sit there for 10 minutes, close your eyes, visualize, look at a picture and start your day, open your laptop, and work.
Kiyomi: [00:51:06] I love that so much. That was so good. And I also do want to say just to like, bring out the expectations which sometimes people can come up and they're like, OK, I'm doing it. And these are the things that are coming up. Is that OK? I do want to say, and I know you expressed it's like the resistance or like something that's really common as people being like, Oh my God, like, what am I doing? Am I going crazy? Am I talking to the little person?
Speaker 2: [00:51:28] I mean, trust me, like I had those moments, I was like, What am I doing here? I've never done, but that proves to you. But then when I did it, I was like, Oh my God, more people should do this.
Kiyomi: [00:51:49] Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's an important thing too, is it's just beyond ROCD this is just like this is like a secret little ingredient to like a greater sense of happiness and fulfillment and working with our emotions because, you know, when the difficult emotions come up, it is that inner child coming up for support. And what I wanted to go just kind of tie into just briefly is like different things again. That it can be normal for people who may try this. You might also have experience when the inner child, doesn't show up at all. That doesn't mean they don't want to see you. You know there can be that anger at the inner child can experience kind of like, OK, you're coming now out of all this time, and I've been kind of abandoned.
Speaker 2: [00:52:31] But that's when you give them more love. That's fine. Because I had moments where my inner child was, you know, in her bedroom, in her childhood home, crying and she wasn't happy and that's when I went in, and that's when I hugged her the hardest. And the more. And the most important thing is that I said, it's OK. It's OK, you feel scared, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. That's all you have to do.
Kiyomi: [00:53:06] And so these different things, you know, can definitely come up and they're very, very normal. Just want to kind of express that because some people might, you know, come up and then think, Oh, my God, am I doing it wrong? You know? And all these types of things?
Speaker 2: [00:53:17] Yeah, and there's no right or wrong.
Kiyomi: [00:53:20] Exactly, exactly. Well, thank you. I mean, that was incredible information. And I know that you know, I've wanted to have you on my podcast for a while just because of just the witnessing of your own transformation and your own growth and your own also leadership in terms of being able to really empower other people. I would love to just kind of end with just maybe one thing that you would like to say to someone who is starting off this journey with tapping into this self-love and kind of inner child. Just like one thing that you want to say that maybe you experience within your own journey that you wish you knew when you were starting off this work that we can kind of end with in order to kind of give the people who are listening right now this reminder that they're not alone and just kind of have this idea of hope and inspiration for the listeners, right?
Speaker 2: [00:54:14] I want to say, I want to say you're stronger than you think. You are so much stronger than you think or that your mind makes you believe and everyone deserves to be loved and everyone deserves to feel love. All of us are just human beings living on this earth, trying to survive, trying to process our emotions, and again remind yourself that you have blood running through your veins. You have a heart that's beating. You're human, you are beautifully human with all of your flaws. Just trying to make it through like the rest of us, there is no one perfect on this Earth. This journey is going to be hard. It's going to be messy, but it's going to be one of the most powerful things you will ever do for yourself. And if you're listening to this now and you're starting this journey, you are so blessed you are beyond blessed more than you think. It's not going to feel that way, but I am seeing from personal experience, you are more blessed than you think. And I just want to end it there,
Kiyomi: [00:55:30] I love that so much.
Speaker 2: [00:55:32] Kiyomi and I are about to cry by the way.
Kiyomi: [00:55:36] I know we are always crying together. And we also were talking about how like, Oh are we? How are we going to be able to keep this podcast short? Because there's so much that we can go into?
Speaker 2: [00:55:46] I can go on. We can both go on.
Kiyomi: [00:55:48] We can both go on. And I'm going to come to the Middle East one day and we're going to have this conversation in person. Yeah, for sure. And I just want to thank you so much for being here again, just for the listeners. Our guest is really the testament of having really done that work, that really hard work. And really being that sense of leadership for all of you here to really remind you that you have that within you too and you are human at the end of the day, we are all human. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2: [00:56:19] Definitely. Thank you so much. Thank you.